For Rosanne

 

 

I can just about feel Rosanne toasting our soon to be run in this picture.  I've been thinking lots abut Rosanne.  Carl and I had the unique experience of being with Rosanne on the eve before she left us.  At one point, she sat up out of an almost-coma, and said she wanted her shoes - she asked us how in the world she could go out with out her shoes on.  I wonder what she knew?  I think about that all the time. 

 

Rosanne, I have a great pair of shoes for us.  They have taken me on an incredible journey, and to me, are some seriously pumped up kicks.  They are about to take us through The Boston Marathon.  Can you believe it?   I will have your prayer card in my pocket, along with my Dad's, my Nana's and some other special friends.

 

I miss her.  I miss her love, her spirit, her intelligence, her kindness, her tolerance of all.  The way she made people feel like we were her best friend - so many of us.  I hope I can live every day in appreciation of my life, and the life that was cut short for her.  In appreciation of the family and friends she so loved, that I am grateful every day to know.  And I only knew her for such a short time!  I can only imagine the way her family and friends feel.

 

I miss her for Michael.  I miss her for her kids.  I miss her for her family and Michael's family.  For her army of friends.  She was so good to all of them.  She was so good for all of them.  A proud, intelligent, liberal, Catholic woman.  I'm proud to have been considered among her "Army" of friends.  Any time Carl talks to his Auntie Lucy about Rosanne, she pulls out her prayer card - from right on top.  Rosanne - your picture may not have been on Auntie's wall, but it is forever in her heart and by her bedside.

 

We are running many miles on Monday, for many people - those who have survived and kicked cancer's butt - those fighting, and those who lost their fight with Cancer - and also some of my family we have lost in recent years to other illness.   Dennis (1 - Barb & Doug), Gene (2 - Kelley), Jackie (lucky Robin 3 - Diane), Walter, Barbara & Kathy (4,5,6 - Joyce & Kerry), MOM (lucky 7), My Papa (8), NANA (9), Lindsay (10- Katelyn), Terry Neely (11), Paul (12- Rachelle), ALEXANDER THE GREAT (13), Bill Shea (14), Kim & Karla Walker's Mom (15),  Deb (17, Melissa), Debbie R-W (18), Gramma (19), Luisa (20), DAD (Lucky 21), Helen (22- Kathleen), WILLIE (23- Richard), Flo (24 - Pam), TONY (25 - Cathy), ROSANNE (26 - 26.2 - and of course, the whole race).  Here are some of the prayer cards coming with me Monday in my back jacket pocket:

 

Rosanne, it's been a long journey since you passed on July 22.  A long, painful, interesting, joyous journey.  But together, we've raised a lot of money and logged a lot of miles.  We've got a few more to go.  26.2 to be exact.  You ready?  I've got our shoes now!!!  And what do you think of our vest???

 

Runnin' On Empty!

As I hobble around limping because my IT band is screaming this week, I realize that now I've done all I can, I can do no more, and I find myself Runnin' on Empty.  I'm weary, and it's almost a week after the 22 miler.  Tired.  Sore.  Nervous.  Time to TAPER for the next couple of weeks, and re-fuel for THE BIG SHOW!  I wish I had more time to prepare.  Which I will have after I finish my first 26.2 !!

Pictured below is my Red Sox Foundation team - a few of the runners :).  And a friend who took the beautiful picture of her finger with all of us (love it!)

Fundraisers are done, body is about as ready as it can be given my time constraints.   I am healing and recovering from the big 22, and completely obsessed with April 15. (I'm sure I'm annoying so many people because of that!!)  My first Marathon.  It looks like all lights are green, and we are preparing for take-off!  The 22 mile run from Hopkinton (yes, the one all the way out there at rte 495 and the pike!) to Boston College was INTENSE, and there were times I wanted to quit. (There are WAY too many train stops right along the marathon route!). I ran past The Chicken Bone "THE BONE!" in Framingham (What a LONG town....), and had some laughs about driving "way out there" with some dear friends one night to hear "The Peach Eaters" - Ellen, Carol and Bob Herne to name a few some years ago!

  Two things kept me going.  ONE, the people.  You.  My angels.  Other runners.  And those giving up the day to hold signs along the route!  There was someone holding a sign around mile 11 or so that said, "Ten Miles to Taper"!  I realized then, that I was about to embark on the "Taper" period of marathon training.  Where you back way off your mileage, cross train, eat right, and prepare for the big day.  Wow!!  Time went by so fast.  I stuck to my one step at a time plan, and with all your help and support, here we are!  The "trial run" from Hopkinton to BC was truly inspirational - the "Charity Team" event.  All the people running for their causes, many dressed up as Easter bunnies or Easter baskets!

TWO- The other thing that kept me going was an incredible "Set List"  (I think in concerts when it comes to music).  In particular, for this past run, here are some stories about my music:

"Why Aye Man" - Thank's for joining me, Tony McDermott!  Mile 25!  "Sultans of Swing"  Dire Straits - is my #1 song to run to - perfect cadence timing.
"Word Up" - makes me think of my time at Wake Forest University - my friend Pam Parker Jones, and brought to mind her Mom, Flo Parker - who has mile 24!

Some more of the greats that keep me going:
"You'd better Run" - Pink Floyd (the steady beat of this song got me up one of the first Newton Hills with ease)
"Right Now" - Van Halen - This IS IT !!
"Take it Easy" - Eagles.......Runnin' down the road tryin' to loosen my load!
"You've got another thing comin'" - Judas Priest - "If you think I'll sit around as the world goes by, you're thinkin like a fool, cuz it's a case of do or die!"
"Already Gone"- Eagles.....I'm already gone, and I'm feelin' strong.  I will sing this victory song!
"Sweet Child o Mine"  - Slash's riff will get anyone moving!
"Maybe I'm Amazed" - Carl keeps me going on this one
"Moves like Jagger" - Just because!  Reminds me of fun on the Vineyard with my amazing sons who inspire me daily!
"Freebird" - Lynyrd Skynyrd.  My life's anthem.  I want this played at my funeral some day if my body ever decides to give out.
"Time to Move On" - Tom Petty 
"Jungleland" - Bruce Springsteen.  Clarence Clemens keeps me going.
"Lovely Day" by Bill Withers.  Rosanne.  Last weekend, it was cloudy, this song came on and I was thinking of her.  The clouds parted and a streak of sun came through - it was truly a lovely day.
My Aerosmith appearances along the way are:  "Dream On"  "One Way Street"  "Mamakin" for my sons and Tim and "Baby Please Don't Go".  I had to be selective here, because the thought of Aerosmith also reminds me of some painful times that I've moved past, so I did drop a lot of songs along the journey.
"Saint of Me"  Rolling Stones - one of my favorites to run to. (as well as live in concert!)
"Shippin' Up to Boston"  and "Dirty Water"  for my Sox and my beloved town.  I have thoroughly enjoyed exploring Boston as a runner this cold winter.

Speaking of Tony and Rosanne, I realized something on my last run.  I'm not running for those who have passed - I thought I was.  Especially since Rosanne connected me to Alexander, and her wishes were to connect us to funds that go toward children, especially childhood cancer, like The Jimmy Fund.  I thought that was what this was all about.  BUT it's bigger than that!  (It usually is).

I am running for the people who survive when someone beautiful is taken away from them too soon.  When I go to the funerals and wakes, and say "I'm sorry", it's never enough.  How can my friends - Cathy (Tony, Mile 25), Michael, Mario, Jay, Michelle, DiLeo's, Amenos (Rosanne, Mile 26 - and the dedication of the whole race), Rachelle (Paul, Mile 12), Richard (Willie, Mile 23), Katelyn (Lindsay, Mile 10), Pam (Flo Parker, Mile 24), Diane (Jackie Roy, Mile 3) Nancy (Alexander, Mile 13),Kelley (Gene, Mile 2), Melissa (Deb, Mile 17), Kathleen (Helen, mile 22), and so many more, know I support them?  I'm running to support you.  For my family - we lost grandparents too early - and we miss our angels, My DAD and my NANA so much - I'm running because that hurts something awful, and I need to spend time and miles and honor their souls.  For those of you in the fight - Debbie (Mile 18), Dennis (Mile 1), Terry (Mile 11),  Kim and Karla Walker's MOM (Mile 14), I run to let you know I'm thinking of you, and honoring your fight, your fear.  For those who are cancer-free now:  Luisa (Mile 20 - Prentice St up Heartbreak Hill), and My Mom (mile 7).  As I'm running, I'm thinking of you all; and many more I'm not mentioning here.  Praying for you.  Sending light and love to you.  And I'm running.  I'm running for me, because if my body sits here with all this pain and doesn't do something it will implode! As Elizabeth mentioned on my facebook page, I'm channeling that hurt, and fear, into something positive.  Raising money along the way for The Jimmy Fund walk, The Red Sox Foundation.  Turning pain into positive.  Darkness into a little tiny shred of light.  But I'm Runnin' On Empty right now.   But......I'm Runnin'!!!  One. Step. At. A. Time!!!  Thank YOU for ALL your support.  Love you all very much. 

The Show Must Go On

I love that Queen song - about Freddie Mercury facing death - and translatable to so many things in life.  How does that relate here?  Sometimes (like today) I am not sure I can go on!  I'm SORE!  I'm Tired!  I want to stop all this training and cross training and take a little break.  Can I really do this?  What was I thinking?  Can I run a marathon, really??


Can he run a marathon?

Yeah, I think I can do it too.  Thank you, Hoyts, for all your inspiration!

Can she run a marathon?

I have 2 legs, and a very strong aerobic capacity.  I'm made up of almost all slow-twitch fibers.  Yeah, I think I can do this.

So many of you have said, "I could never do that".  We all can do anything we set our minds to, really. (well, check back in with me on April 16 about that comment) :)

So, that being said, it's time for a nice long Saturday run.   The show must go on!! (But just for the record, I want to sit in my jammies all morning before I need to go to work at 1, drink coffee, eat pancakes and eggs with my son Tj).....But....here I go-  ONE STEP AT A TIME!

You're The Inspiration

 

My journey to 26.2 - lots of things have happened since my last blog, including LOTS of steps.  I’ve had some good runs, and some bad runs. One of them, the first 13.1 I tried,  I had to jump on the T and take it home because the area around my scar tissue was getting sore!   On another day, I ran 18 and still had more fuel in the tank even!  This weekend I’m up for 20+ !!  Framingham to Boston. Imagine that?? I cannot, actually – will believe it when it happens.  I do think it will be hard actually, because I'm a little sore from training so much.  Here is one picture along my 18 mile snowy run (you never know who you're going to meet out there!):

 

So many of you call me an inspiration. Me?  I appreciate your kind words, and they keep me going whenever I want to quit!  But, I do not feel like an inspiration - I'm just putting one foot in front of the other for extended periods of time.  

 

There are so many who inspire ME!   Rosanne Ameno, who fought so hard to have a few extra years with her family. Rosanne’s family, who are so proud, and loving, and connected – carrying on bravely without her.  My marathon is dedicated to Rosanne - she inspired me to do this, and in some ways is saving me by doing so.  The Megna/Whipple family, carrying on without their Alexander. Cathy McDermott inspires me tremendously – raising two strong, smart, beautiful teenagers, after the loss our her husband and our friend Tony (I'm SO proud to be among her friends - she's my hero!). Richard, carrying on without his dear Willie.  Debbie Rech-Whitmore, fighting the same cancer Rosanne did - a young, beautiful wife and mother, with Rosanne's spirit of rockin' the halls of Dana Farber! My beautiful friend Kim's Mom, fighting cancer hard, as Kim continues to run and bike and swim to raise money to cure cancer.  Luisa Zauli inspires me – she fought cancer and won, while Max and Daniela were babies.  Luisa taught me, through her struggle with cancer, to appreciate the little stresses in life, that she hoped to get back if and when she was cured.  My Mom inspires me, always, and throughout life has always been my biggest fan. She also battled cancer and won.  She has always been "The wind beneath my wings".  Even when she thinks I'm taking on something too big for me (like this marathon within 6 months of having major surgery), she is my biggest cheerleader.  Thanks, Mom!

 

When my Grandfather had cancer, one stretch of it was during the Blizzard of  '78.  My Mom and Uncle took my Nana to visit him at the VA hospital in JP.  They were the only ones on the highway that night, except for stranded cars, with a police escort, because my Grandfather was scared and need to see them.

 

THESE are inspirational stories. These (and so many more) keep me going. I think about my Nonna traveling from Italy with one trunk, pregnant, with kids in tow - to meet my Nonno in Leominster.  Imagine how scared she was??  Just so my brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces and nephews could have a better life?   Nothing along my journey has been hard comparatively......

 

SO now that we have all that out of the way, THIS IS IT!!  Six weeks from YESTERDAY I will be running with some of the world's most elite athletes from Hopkinton to Boston (well, we are registered for the same race, I know I'll never see them).  Talk about a THRILL!  I hope I can make it.  I worry that I won't. (But another inspiration of mine, Lisa Gallagher, helps me keep my thinking on track here).   I'm paranoid that I'm going to get injured, as March Training Madness is INTENSE.  For example in the past 24 hours I ran a 10k, took a Core Fusion Yoga class AND swam 2500 yards!  For now, the training, however, is on track for me to finish my first marathon on April 15, 2013 right here in my favorite city.

  Fundraising is beyond on track - I'm almost at $7,000.  I was going to have one more fundraiser and dedicate it to Rosanne, but that is just too hard emotionally still.  Maybe it's too soon still.   My North End Bingo fundraiser (see picture below) was a HUGE success, and so much fun, but every time I thought about why I was raising money, I cried.  As I was dedicating the fundraiser to people who have inspired me and thanking all of you who helped me make it great, my hands shook, and I almost broke down.   I cried hard that night for Rosanne, Alexander, Willie, Tony.  I cried for the people who are supporting me that are left here to carry on.  I thought about Mario, who worries when skiing that his friends are going to ditch him.  I was thinking about this, and wondering why he worries so much about that, but then I understand.   I think of Rosanne's beautiful parents (who came out on that snowy Sunday after the blizzard to support me to the North End from East Boston!).  I think of Michael Ameno, finding his way without the love of his life.  Michelle and Jay, also without Rosanne - who was SUCH a life force.   It's all too fresh still, and missing Rosanne seems to get harder and harder with time right now - and I only knew her for such a small portion of her life.  So, I'm going to wait for a better time, and work with Rosanne's lovely daughter and parents to plan something to truly dedicate to the memory of this remarkable woman.  Instead of this fundraiser, I'm going in with some of my Red Sox Foundation teammates, and having one last fundraiser at Game On!  I hope you all can join me.  It will be held on March 27 from 6pm - whenever.  Come for dinner and some drinks, and meet the amazing people on my team.  I'll be starting a facebook page for this, and will keep everyone posted as the date draws near.  In the meantime, please save the date.  Here is a picture from the "Blizzard Bingo" fundraiser - such a fun day:

 

 

For those of you who have not been able to make a fundraiser, but would still like to support my journey financially as I raise money for The Red Sox Foundation, here is the link to my fundraising page:  https://www.fundraise.com/the-red-sox-foundation-inc/marias-boston-marathon-page.

 

When I run Heartbreak Hill, something mystical happens.  I feel the ghosts with me.  I could not be more serious.  I feel Rosanne and Tony especially, and music that I run to that reminds me of them always comes on during that time.   I can see Willie on the side of the road having a cocktail, cheering me on, while telling me I look fabulous of course :).  And I see Alexander with his mother, my friend Nancy, his grandmother Alice, his father and sister, Julia- which is where he belongs.  I am brought to tears each and every time I see Boston College at the top of Heartbreak Hill.  I cannot imagine what this will feel like on April 15!! 

 

My recovery from surgery on November 14?  Well, I feel better than I have in years.  Not even 4 months post-op yet - hard to believe that.  I do believe that tumor in me was wreaking all kinds of havoc and I'm happy to have it OUT.  But I can feel where my stomach is healing - especially during long runs and times when I'm training a lot.  I have learned to listen to my body and back off whenever that happens.  It reminds me of my limitations but also how far I've come.  Sometimes, I still have to take walk breaks, but not nearly as often as I thought I would.  Truly, everyone who reads this, thank you for all your support!  I'm blessed with such incredible friends and family.  I'm so grateful for this journey - each step at a time, one step at a time, has brought inner and outer growth and strength to me.  Love to you all.

 

I do have one more blog coming about training, diet, and other things I'm learning along the way that supplement my education in physiology, but that's for another day.  Stay tuned......but I have one more picture for you today.  The inspiration behind everything I do, my sons, Tj and Nicholas.  Thank you both for being such supportive sons!  I could NOT do this without you-

 

 

 

No, I won't back down.....

 

 

 

Wow, this is getting HARD.  Today, I needed to log in 8 miles to stay on course for 26.2 on April 15 (and even then I'm short, because I still have not been cleared to fully run yet).  I did NOT want to go.  I was tired - I had to get up at 4:30 to wake the kids up for their ski trip.  I fell on the ice yesterday and my left hip was pretty sore still.  I went to a memorial service for my friend's father, and ate too much afterward, so I had that 'full' feeling.  I had the WHOLE house to myself all day (kids and Carl were off on a ski trip).  Wa, wa wa.....

 

Thoughts in my head, knowing I HAVE to stay on track to make this event possible for me:

 

"People would understand if I back out of the Marathon, I just had MAJOR surgery in November, taking out my uterus and 6 inches of my bowels."

 

"So and so keeps telling me I'm crazy to do this anyway at 'my age', maybe she's right.  Maybe he's right."

 

You get the picture!

 

Then I thought of Rosanne...... +Rosanne Ameno 

 

Michael and Rosanne's son Mario spent the night here last night - he had such a good time.  I cherish times with Mario, Michelle and Jay, because they each remind me of my dear friend Rosanne in their own way. But having Mario here, made me think so much of Rosanne because we all did so much together.  I thought of what she battled so bravely.   NOTHING I DO is hard compared to what she did for her family and friends.  Going to the gym a few days after chemotherapy, so she could squeeze just a few more drops out of life to be here with us.  Bearing the most severe chemotherapy in the hopes of surviving a little longer, if not forever.  Staring death in the face, yet joyfully experiencing magical moments in life with her family and cherished friends.

 

Here is one of my favorite pictures of Rosanne - taken about 2 months before we lost our dear girl:

 

 

So, I put my Asics on, and off I went.  First song I heard today on my playlist was Tom Petty's "I won't back down."    Just what I needed to hear!  No, I won't back down.  Additionally, it was a beautiful day, and lots of runners and walkers out on the spectacular Charles.  Eight miles of my jog/walk intervals felt long today.  Now all I have to do is multiply that by 3 and add a couple miles to that!  BUT, it's 3 miles MORE than I did last weekend, and there are so many reasons for me to keep going.  YES, I want to raise money for an incredible foundation, The Red Sox Foundation (Here is a link to learn more, and to help me raise funds -  https://www.fundraise.com/the-red-sox-foundation-inc/marias-boston-marathon-page?edit=1).  But I'm also running for all the angels we've lost before their time.  Rosanne, Tony, Bernie, Alexander the Great, sadly, the list grows, and goes on and on and on, and I will be compiling a list just like I did for the Jimmy Fund Marathon in September:

 

 

 Add to this, the 26 beautiful souls who left us before their time in Newtown, CT - I will run a mile for each of you.   And, I will NOT BACK DOWN!!

 

In other news, My doctor's appointment is Tuesday - hoping to get full clearance to be able to really run!  And ski!  And work!  And everything else-  fingers crossed.  AND my dear friend from New Mexico and I are doing a 30 day health cleanse - no coffee, alcohol, chemicals, fried foods, anything you might imagine that will not enhance my health is off the list.  This should also help me along our journey.  Wish me luck :).  Stay tuned for more information along this journey, which has truly become our journey.  Thank you for ALL your support.  Love you all.  Happy New Year!!  xo